considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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