I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
