I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
