So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he thought i was a dude.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
