let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
