If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
