my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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