My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
