I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize