So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
