She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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