my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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