I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
