Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
