I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
