I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
