Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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