she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
