i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
