i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
