I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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