Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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