:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
