yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
