It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
