Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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