I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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