Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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