just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
