Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Pooping to opera.
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