would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
