I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
