shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
