Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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