i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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