oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
