woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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