we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
