Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
