Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
