how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
