Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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