Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
