final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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