does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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