Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
