He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm passing your future prison.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize