just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
