i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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