i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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