is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
