If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
