"it" just moved
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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