Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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