i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
