just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
