11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
