Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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