OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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