I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
