Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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