Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize