Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
