she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
