omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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