But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
