We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
