I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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