Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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