why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
