I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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