Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
