I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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