His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
