Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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