she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
