I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
