He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My pussy is not your playground.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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