I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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