I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
