I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
50% drunk capacity currently
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
