I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
